Happy New Year! 2011 has come to a close, representing the end of a football season, the end of the holiday season, and more importantly, the end of one of the most difficult spiritual seasons of my life.

I remember times when Mike, as both a player and a coach, would gather as a team the Monday after a dismal performance on the field the day before, and all but erase the previous day’s horrifying events. There were some games that were simply awful from the kickoff to the countdown of the final seconds, and the best thing for all involved was to put it behind them. Move on. Look forward.

And that’s what I’ve chosen to do with 2011. This New Years Eve, I was spent; the culmination of 370 days of intense determined effort to rid myself of some toxic thoughts and feelings. When, as a family, we shared our resolutions and goals for the coming new year, mine was this: “I resolve to enjoy the place of peace and rest that I worked so hard to get to.”

At first the kids balked, but upon further explanation, I reminded them that at the kickoff of 2011 I was a broken-down shell of a woman, and by the final seconds of the year, I was restored and refreshed. At the beginning of the year, I found it very difficult to pray, primarily because I felt unprotected. Whenever I heard ‘God is good’, tears welled up in my eyes, for I couldn’t really bring myself to say He wasn’t, but I sure lost sight of His goodness. So I went to work. I cried alot. I had a silent battle brewing inside of me for months; I wanted to trust God…I was just way too scared of getting hurt again. But slowly, over time, I allowed myself to dip my toe into the pool of trust.

Soon, I allowed myself to sit along the side and let my feet dangle in. Before long, I waded into the shallow end. By the end of November, I dove in. Head first! Belly-flopping, care-free, no-turning-back frolicking in the pool of Trust. I Trust God And His Plan For My Life.

I don’t consider myself an overly ambitious hard worker; when I compare my energy and drive to Mike’s I always feel like I fail miserably. But I take great pride in the amount of time and devotion I spent working to get my heart right again. 2012 could have easily begun with my being stuck in a rut of bitterness and resentment and hurt. Instead, I have peace and joy and the good kind of butterflies in my stomach as I anticipate what is to come.

So long 2011. Even though you helped me become what I am today, I’d rather not re-visit you! You’ve served your purpose; I passed the test.

Welcome 2012!